Battle

A battle between my left brain and my right brain;
A battle between dreams and dreams;
A battle between fantasies and realities;
All I could do,
Is to struggle to keep my mind in control,
Is to wait for the battle to end by its own,
Is to let time solve the battles.

Dare to dream, you'll succeed,
How true is this?
Dream high, far-fetched,
How real is this?

Afraid of dreaming,
A coward I am?
When dreams are 1000 feet high in the clouds,
With a bottomless grave underneath,
Are you daring enough to pursue the 1000 feet
     ignoring the grave, out of sight,
And end up falling helplessly, might?

As for now,
Do I just notice the layers of oxygen above,
And forget there's a veil covering tanks of carbon monoxide underneath;
Or am I imagining the layers of carbon monoxide above,
And forget there's still tonnes of oxygen behind the veil?

Christmas 2012

Christmas this year is a bit different from the previous 16 Christmases before. Being a Buddhist, my family doesn't celebrate Christmas at all. This year I went caroling with my besties.

HEART-WARMING. This is what comes to my mind that moment. Even though we don't know each other, there's like a special bond between everyone. We sing together. Talk. Eat. We are like we have known each other well. Really joyous. And merry. :D

~Rudolph the red nose reindeer.. ~

Wish everyone Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! Have a good year ahead! GO AND STRIVE FOR WHAT YOU WANT! Santa only gives presents to good kids. :)

梦想与梦想的碰撞，梦想与现实的差距

从小志愿（梦想？）就想当名医生，至于为什么，我也不懂，就是单纯认为非常适合我（但也不知道真假）。那白大褂、听诊器，激励着我内心的欲望憧憬。那些穿着这东东的，我认为更是好看、威风、有权威、伟大。

我非常爱看有关医生医院医学的电视剧。因为往往在看这些电视剧后，必定有所体会、感触，心灵也会遭到抨击。最近熬夜追看完一部中国电视剧〈心术〉，心中更有无数感慨领悟。

信、望、爱。
信念、希望、疼爱。
人不是为讨厌你的人活着。
生命是脆弱的，无常。
.....等等.....

但，当医生这个狂野的梦想，在高中毕业后，在观察了现实与梦想的差距，开始动摇。我爱自由，我爱自己的生活，我爱怎样就怎样，我爱旅游，我爱睡、我爱简单，我爱玩，不爱压力 - - 这些完全与医生这职业挂不上钩。医生忙，要面对残酷的生死，难搞的医患关系，增添了我对这职业的害怕。他们都说电视剧是虚拟的，不实际。

我色盲。这是最大的阻碍。曾经问过一些读着医科的人，问他们色盲能读医科否。不能。这个答案真把我逼疯。色盲，不是我能改变的，连上帝也改变不了的事实。把这件事告诉朋友，他们都震惊，像我一个读书这么厉害的人（我不认为如此）竟然是个红色绿色分不清的人。但有个朋友说，“你色盲没关系，你不是盲的。” 那时的震撼！

上帝给了我一个较好的头脑，就剥夺了我分辨颜色的权利，这就是公平？

从上面说提到的电视剧，有个情节是这样的：有个脑子里长瘤的孩子，生命将结束，瘤子位置不好，手术难做，但始终医生替孩子做了。手术过程顺利，但术后却面瘫了。他爸说，“我孩子不死就好，没有好事全都冲着你来的。”
我想想，是有道理的。

回到正题，我有问了个医生，他说色盲可以当医生，加上我有认识一个色盲的医生，都干的很好，我生命真是向死里复活了一般。当时也知道当医生这碗饭难吃，但我直觉还是认为老天把我贬到凡间就是当医生的，仍然觉得我应该当个医生，跟医生这个行业有不朽的缘分。这是坚持，还是愚蠢？还是不见棺材不流泪？

大马医生爆满，毕业后难找工作，也让我多了一分迟疑。有当医生的朋友说，“你不是很有兴趣，千万别当。” 他的这句话让我犹豫，我是兴趣，还是对医生这行业有太美好的想象？我不知道，真的。

读了一医生的部落格，阐述了种种当医生的不好，是有些些的退缩，死灰复燃。我曾经试图磨灭我当医生那热忱，死灰复燃。决心不够，还是根本无法磨灭？

理性的分析，我的梦想不适合我这样的人（看看第四段吧）；但感性的想，我依然对当医生有着莫名，难以形容的感觉。

路过的人，给些看法建议吧，因为我真的不知道。

我不知道。我不知道。我不知道。我不知道。我不知道。我不知道。我不知道。我不知道。我不知道。我不知道。我不知道。我不知道！

Headphones on.

While wandering on the Net, I stumbled upon this video.

Grenade by Bruno Mars, covered by a symphony orchestra.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fGsqpwt9yg0

Feel the richness of the tone, the grandness of the piece, the calmness of the song, the complexity of the arrangement. Although different from the original version, this brings another kind of feeling to listeners, e.g. me. Ya, that kind of feeling. For which I think I can only find in SYMPHONY ORCHESTRAS. 

Perhaps this is why I am deeply in love with symphony orchestras. One day, I'll really get into one. :D

被说丑激发的绝招妙答

如果有人碰到说你丑，你可以这样回答:)
1、错觉！完全是错觉

2、其实我还可以更丑的

3、要不要送张照片给你辟邪？

4、你说话怎么这么不诚实？

5、我很丑，但是我很抢手……

6、我曾经吓死过很多人，你小心点……

7、我是故意的

8、对不起，我是实力派

9、太好了，终于有人说我丑了。你要知道，做帅哥实在太有压力了

10、你别以为你说话与众不同，我就会注意你……

11、天呐，你居然抢我台词。

12、我丑怎么了，可我老婆比你老婆漂亮多了。

13、嗯，丑到极致就是一种美了

还丑吗? :D

扬琴 - 艺、意、义

久违了！因考试暂停了半年的扬琴课，我终于回来了。很亲切，很愉快。熟悉的琴声，淡淡的情调，不错吧？但整晚是蜜蜂（隔壁的师兄练《野蜂飞舞》）。LOL

扬琴

4支脚，一个大大的共鸣箱，4排码，几“辆”推车，几十粒滚珠，140多根弦，附加一个扳手，这就是扬琴。音域4个八度。用一对琴笕，谱写生命的旋律、乐章。

琴艺

花了5年，考获中国管弦乐协会的第5级，这一个月内将考第6级。多亏恩师循循善诱指导，技术、乐感才勉强过关。演奏方式颇多，视乐曲来判断弹奏方法：清脆、俏皮、稳重等。扬琴是艺术，让精神得到升华。

琴意

扬琴对我来说不止是纯粹一台琴，反而更是一个安静的朋友，仔细聆听你的声音。生气，来个强烈的急板；懒惰，来个慢板；积极，来个小快板；优雅，来个引子；澎湃，来个广板。

音乐让人变聪明，扬琴让人变聪明、眼力好、腕力强、手指细腻、反应快、思想敏捷、耐心爆增、脾气神经（纯属个人经验）。这些完全是亲身体验！:)

扬琴有时也是个让我烦死的怪物，真烦死。140多根弦，专业者略调大概0.5小时，细调1小时（没错的话），像我这样的庸才略调1小时，细调2小时，衰的话 (断弦、一边准一边不准）可以到3小时。烦不？但也都值得，调完后有莫名的成就感！

琴义

以琴会友，也通过这让我认识了许多怪咖朋友，当然也有正常的。一起出省，出州演出，好评如犹如泉涌！

想当年懵懂选学扬琴，还好幸运选对了，一点都不后悔。遨游琴海，穿梭其间，不亦乐乎！祝自己琴艺猛进，琴意不朽，琴义永固！

Damai Beach 1-day Trip

What I wrote in my SPM English essay came true today!


 At about 9 am, when I was doing my great business in the loo, Friend A and B were in front of my house with A's Vios (QAR XXXX). They were really punctual, I mean really, they were never early all these while. ;) A drove to C's house, had a quick breakfast, did some shopping for food and drinks somewhere on the way, then off we go.

Actually Damai is not somewhere special to all Kuchingites, but it's the feeling when you go to a place you've gone before, but with different people, especially your besties for 2 years. We did some normal beach activities, ie swimming and making a mess with sand. Heh.

Then we talked for 3 hours. And ate junk food of course! Although I was the one who kept striking up conversation topics, but it was really fun, especially talking about crap. Not forgetting some heart warming conversations too. Unfortunately, there was a torrential downpour, so we left for Kuching around 5.30 pm.

Dinner? A drove to the first restaurant, but it was closed. Meh. So we went to city area for a quick western dinner. Of course the bill was not cheap.

Perhaps you find this rather boring. But for me it was really fun. REAL FUN. It's 5 December 2012. But when else do we have time to sit together, chit-chat, waste time together? B's going for a vacation soon, and A will be studying early January and I'll be going to National Service very soon. I don't know C's plan. :3

I was HAPPY! Happiness is everywhere, but it really depends on oneself whether to mark it in one's life. Small little simple pleasures should not be always omitted. Before SPM, due to the stuffy schedule I don't even have time to enjoy these little pleasures. NOW I KNOW. I UNDERSTAND. THOSE DAYS ARE REALLY WASTED. And those days have left me.

p/s: Dear readers, do enjoy every moment of your life. Maybe this is boring, but don't you feel lucky and happy that you are able to find this boring?

Rain vs. Sunshine

There is rain. There is sunshine. Few months of rain doesn't mean the Sun has left.

There's always HOPE amidst HOPElessness. Believe in God and what He can give us.

别人？自己？

"剛才午飯去了雞飯店，砍雞肉的大嬸問我是不是印尼華僑，害我邊吃雞飯邊哭。心理有太多的不平衡，因為從小因為皮膚黑，被誤認成菲律賓人，泰國人，越南人，馬來人，印尼人，只差沒中過印度人。後來，想想，其實我們一直都活在別人的眼光裏。而別人的眼光也因大眾化的認可而易改變。也許，這就是所謂的潮流，把自己打扮成大家都認同的樣子。這就是二十一世紀。我們沒法改變眼前的事實，只是生活會不知不覺地少了那麽一丁點的個性和自信，隨後慢慢琢磨不到真正的自己。" - 摘自网络

难道, 这短短的人生里, 我们就为了取悦别人, 获得别人的认可赞同, 失去自己?

别人只看到所有正常人所看到的，最了解自己，最知道自己要什么的人也是自己！操控自己, 活出自己。

别告诉我，你连你自己是谁都不知道？

Why Fickleness?

Fickle, unpredictable.

All these while going through life, all I can witness is how fragile everything is. The weather, human, life, feelings, everything.

This moment you may be in love with something, but the next moment your "love" towards the something may not be there, at all, due to some reasons. You might be chatting happily over the phone with this person, but till then you find that this person has left you. People change, feelings change. There's nothing everlasting.

Yeah, so why do we complain so much about how terrible life is? Even though it's something small or even can be despised, but worth to be happy at, why not be happy for a few moments of life? We'll never know what's welcoming us the next second, something better or worse? Perhaps, as a few seconds foes by, there's nothing left. Nothing. Or we won't be seeing anything.

Ya, enjoy what's given to you. Treasure what's going on around you. Keep in mind that no matter how horrifying things are, you're not the only one.