Yeah this is the day I was pretty much afraid of. People thought this day is a celebration, but for me it was the day when the worst thing happened to me, or us.
One year ago, I wasn't sure what struck me. I kissed you. On my bed. I guess it was of pure love, and I thought you really deserved it. I thought my first kiss, given on this very important day of mine, would be a blessing. I wasn't sure why, it was an irrational decision, and very crude one. The moment I kissed you, my heart immediately sank in, never felt that much peace and calmness within me. In fact, you reciprocated. I still remembered I told you, you had to be responsible for taking my first kiss, but I guess it was just a joke.
Immediately after we kissed, you were struck by guilt. For which by then I didn't know why, but now I certainly do. You already have a boyfriend. I thought he was your best friend and roommate, but I really never knew the true relationship between both of you. By then, you only claimed that how you shouldn't kiss me, your spirits deterring you from doing so before you graduated, how your vision could have spread to anyone you love (you said you can't even feel love).
After half a year, we talked about this. You said the reason we kissed, is just being greedy. Well, I guess so, but I thought I really loved you.
You gave me a bottle. As a present. And so many Dota items (for which I don't even play now). You said you don't celebrate birthday, but I didn't really believe in it. However, that one fight, we gave back gifts to each other, the quarrel was really bad. I threw away the speaker I gave you, I think you threw away that bottle too. I am not sure.
I knew that our relationship won't last long, but I guess when time's up, time's up. I wouldn't say I have completely moved on from you, but I just know that I am trying really hard. I hope you graduate with him, and leave my life.
