I am in a mess. Everything. Especially my feelings.
Back to college after a week's holiday. Don't feel particularly homesick, but don't feel the excitement back to college (or school, which i used to have) as well. The mid-sem exam is tomorrow. I feel okay, but also not okay - I am worried I couldn't score, or just slip for no reason (like my quiz for Chemistry). There's something under my brain telling me that I WOULD do bad. Achilles' heel : PHYSICS. X.X
Dramatic mood swings. Getting emotional. I don't feel angry, but I just don't know why the tone I used to speak to the others, including my mum and sister, sounds so FEROCIOUS. I don't know what's wrong.
Listening to some downloaded Glee songs. 'Just the Way You Are' and then 'I Dreamed a Dream'. My mood is like on a roller coaster. Changed instantly from happy to the opposite. I don't usually experience this. Normally after a happy song and I accidentally clicked on a sad song, I WILL immediately change a song, but today is different. What is wrong.
Perhaps I just need silence and peace for a short while, like what i told (barked?) my sister. To reorganise and revitalise.
Someone, HELP ME.
Monday, 12 August 2013
Thursday, 1 August 2013
College #5
It's August.
It's almost time to go home, for a break. A break from all the stress and discomfort in college. (Y)
It has been a few stressful weeks. Pre mid semester exams and quizzes. I am too tired of those, And they have come to an end, and what comes after this is the real mid-sem exam. Although it is just mid-sem, and because it is mid-sem, the topics covered are quite little, so the weightage of marks is very high. The full paper is 40 marks for example, 1 mark means 2.5%. Yeah that's why I am very stressed. That's why I cannot aim for 80%, but 100% instead, so that 100% - 20% (8 marks deducted), I still have 80% as an A. And the percentage will play a 10% role in the final semester exam, so yeah, it affects your CGPA. :O
I need enlightenment. #fingerscrossed
It's almost time to go home, for a break. A break from all the stress and discomfort in college. (Y)
It has been a few stressful weeks. Pre mid semester exams and quizzes. I am too tired of those, And they have come to an end, and what comes after this is the real mid-sem exam. Although it is just mid-sem, and because it is mid-sem, the topics covered are quite little, so the weightage of marks is very high. The full paper is 40 marks for example, 1 mark means 2.5%. Yeah that's why I am very stressed. That's why I cannot aim for 80%, but 100% instead, so that 100% - 20% (8 marks deducted), I still have 80% as an A. And the percentage will play a 10% role in the final semester exam, so yeah, it affects your CGPA. :O
I need enlightenment. #fingerscrossed
Monday, 15 July 2013
Scribble (Cory's death)
Shocked to see news regarding Cory Monteith's death on Facebook. Then googled it. Suspected due to substance abuse.
OH ME GOSH. Even though I'm not so much of a Glee fan, but also not that I don't listen and watch Glee, I still feel so BAD regarding this.
Why do talented or good people die young? What on earth is so wrong with this planet. Sigh.
R.I.P Finn. Miss your voice. :')
#shocked #sad
OH ME GOSH. Even though I'm not so much of a Glee fan, but also not that I don't listen and watch Glee, I still feel so BAD regarding this.
Why do talented or good people die young? What on earth is so wrong with this planet. Sigh.
R.I.P Finn. Miss your voice. :')
#shocked #sad
Sunday, 14 July 2013
College #4
MOTIVATION!
This coming week will be a hellish week. God-damn-it. Physics quiz, chemistry quiz, MUET speaking quiz, and students' representative thingy. I seriously lose the joy and strength to go on surviving in Labuan. I need motivation, that's what I tell my friends. I need someone for me to look onto, someone to motivate me go ahead, someone for me to be jealous of.
And at such hours like this, I texted a friend who achieved 4.0 (full mark) in Form 6 last year to ask her placement in local university. She, the genius, got a place in USM for Medicine! Oh me gosh. USM is the apex university, prestigious. Oh gawd. Despite the intense competition she got into it! Feel so happy for her. And of course, admiration and jealousy. XD So here comes MOTIVATION.
At this moment of next year, it will be my turn to face this. I HAVE TO STRIVE FOR THE BEST! And be her junior. Haha. Okays, time to continue studying for the quizzes. Ciao :D
This coming week will be a hellish week. God-damn-it. Physics quiz, chemistry quiz, MUET speaking quiz, and students' representative thingy. I seriously lose the joy and strength to go on surviving in Labuan. I need motivation, that's what I tell my friends. I need someone for me to look onto, someone to motivate me go ahead, someone for me to be jealous of.
And at such hours like this, I texted a friend who achieved 4.0 (full mark) in Form 6 last year to ask her placement in local university. She, the genius, got a place in USM for Medicine! Oh me gosh. USM is the apex university, prestigious. Oh gawd. Despite the intense competition she got into it! Feel so happy for her. And of course, admiration and jealousy. XD So here comes MOTIVATION.
At this moment of next year, it will be my turn to face this. I HAVE TO STRIVE FOR THE BEST! And be her junior. Haha. Okays, time to continue studying for the quizzes. Ciao :D
Tuesday, 2 July 2013
College #3
Plagiarism KILLS.
For the first time in my life, I fail my lab report with a beautiful 0%. WHAT THE F**K. I was the victim. As a kid who does his work super fast and super good, automatically my answers are always the "model answers" for the other humans. What happened is that I lent my lab report to a friend, for her as an example konon, trying to be a bit more helpful, instead she copied 90% of my work. WTF. Our lecturer had been emphasizing that plagiarism is NOT allowed, but the friend seemed not to care. Yeah, you know I know.
*slaps myself for being so kind*
Luckily our lecturer said this is a continuous assessment, so I really have to improve (konon) in my forthcoming lab reports so that the ZERO won't affect my marks in the final exam. *trying to be more optimistic* Sokay, no more answer provider next time, Eric. You guys are now alone!
On the other hand of this stupid thing that happened to me, something good (or bad?) did also happen. I was elected to be an exco in student's council which guarantees a full 10% in co-curriculum. I got 575 votes, ranking no.4 in 29 candidates. But what comes after this will be HELL. A whole lot of work to do. Sigh what to do. For this, I'll accept it open-minded, and do what I can.
Erm and I think ... I have some good feelings towards a girl in my class. Not love kay, just a good impression. She's helpful, she's kind, she's polite, she's funny, she's active, she's bright, she's sporty. And i feel happy and comfortable with her.
Her last message to me by 9.04pm:
Ya i know it's hard for you, but I hope you can get through this and learn to let go. There is nothing Eric can't defeat right? ;) I don't think you should stop being helpful because of this. Try praying to God :) Maybe you will feel better
Hmm, some food for thought..
For the first time in my life, I fail my lab report with a beautiful 0%. WHAT THE F**K. I was the victim. As a kid who does his work super fast and super good, automatically my answers are always the "model answers" for the other humans. What happened is that I lent my lab report to a friend, for her as an example konon, trying to be a bit more helpful, instead she copied 90% of my work. WTF. Our lecturer had been emphasizing that plagiarism is NOT allowed, but the friend seemed not to care. Yeah, you know I know.
*slaps myself for being so kind*
Luckily our lecturer said this is a continuous assessment, so I really have to improve (konon) in my forthcoming lab reports so that the ZERO won't affect my marks in the final exam. *trying to be more optimistic* Sokay, no more answer provider next time, Eric. You guys are now alone!
On the other hand of this stupid thing that happened to me, something good (or bad?) did also happen. I was elected to be an exco in student's council which guarantees a full 10% in co-curriculum. I got 575 votes, ranking no.4 in 29 candidates. But what comes after this will be HELL. A whole lot of work to do. Sigh what to do. For this, I'll accept it open-minded, and do what I can.
Erm and I think ... I have some good feelings towards a girl in my class. Not love kay, just a good impression. She's helpful, she's kind, she's polite, she's funny, she's active, she's bright, she's sporty. And i feel happy and comfortable with her.
Her last message to me by 9.04pm:
Ya i know it's hard for you, but I hope you can get through this and learn to let go. There is nothing Eric can't defeat right? ;) I don't think you should stop being helpful because of this. Try praying to God :) Maybe you will feel better
Hmm, some food for thought..
Wednesday, 26 June 2013
Thursday, 6 June 2013
College #1
This is my first post written in college.
Reasons: On weekdays, I am busy; on weekends, I rest and sleep like a pig.
The first thing I would like to mention is about co-curriculum. Well, having dentistry as my first choice, the 10% is of UTMOST importance as it differentiates all 4.0 flat scorers. So there's this JPP (students' representatives) and KAKOM (inter-matriculation sports event) that guarantee a 10% full mark. Apparently I am not born to have sports genes, so my best choice is JPP. BUT, some things are keeping me from it. One, the procedure in choosing the representatives is election, which means you have to manifesto and campaign and sell yourself and popularise yourself to get more votes. And I dislike that. Popularity comes first, capability comes next. Obviously, in college, Chinese is the minority. Two, there are tonnes of events that is going to be handled by JPP throughout the year, when you barely have time to study for a 4.0 flat. Concentration distracted. So what should I do? I haven't made up my mind.
The second thing is about my roommates. They're friendly, but do have flaws. One, they love to interfere my lifestyle. I used to have naps. All these while I didn't have time to do so, so today finally I am free enough to take 40 winks at around 7pm, but, guess what did they say when they saw me sleeping.
"Why are you sleeping at this time?"
"I feel a bit tired."
"That's why you should go work-out. To increase your stamina."
What on earth. Do you think all people on this planet love to work-out like you two do? Do I have to seek permission from you guys to sleep?
And they're inconsiderate beings. Playing songs via handphones out loud every night and every dawn, when people (me) is still sleeping. Talk (I can even regard it as shout) so loudly when people's sleeping. Do not switch off the bedroom lights even after past 12 midnight.
And the next one is they're messy beings. Clothes thrown and hung everywhere, put things on my study table, stack smelly clothes in the room. C'mon guys.
Well, I have to endure all these for another 10 months. Astagah.
The third thing, I'd like to complain about some lecturers. They don't explain clear enough, and we couldn't ask in lectures. SO what we can do is just to sit and stare at the slides, like you understand everything. Oh no. Another thing is the language medium they use. THE SYLLABUS IS IN ENGLISH! Why speak Malay?!
Finished with the complaints, now I move on to happiness. :D I join KML Choir, and is elected as the Chief Conductor. This would be a good experience to dive into choral music. And not forgetting to mention friends. I met quite a few new friends from Sabah and Sarawak, and some are really nice homo sapiens. Just some, minorities only. And I consider food in our cafeteria is GOOD and CHEAP. Everyday I long for lunch and dinner time to try out some new dishes. And also bumping into pretty girls. Some Chinese girls are really pretty! But taken. Sigh. "Just for display."
Facebook status on 25 May:
Survived one week in Labuan.
1. Hot weather
2. Labuan people dont eat vegetables. (2 types veggies in 10 types of dishes.)
3. 30 Ferrero Rocher chocolates for RM24!
4. I found Nabati.
(Nabati is a brand of cheese biscuits. IT IS AWESOME!)
Guess that's all. Ciao.
Reasons: On weekdays, I am busy; on weekends, I rest and sleep like a pig.
The first thing I would like to mention is about co-curriculum. Well, having dentistry as my first choice, the 10% is of UTMOST importance as it differentiates all 4.0 flat scorers. So there's this JPP (students' representatives) and KAKOM (inter-matriculation sports event) that guarantee a 10% full mark. Apparently I am not born to have sports genes, so my best choice is JPP. BUT, some things are keeping me from it. One, the procedure in choosing the representatives is election, which means you have to manifesto and campaign and sell yourself and popularise yourself to get more votes. And I dislike that. Popularity comes first, capability comes next. Obviously, in college, Chinese is the minority. Two, there are tonnes of events that is going to be handled by JPP throughout the year, when you barely have time to study for a 4.0 flat. Concentration distracted. So what should I do? I haven't made up my mind.
The second thing is about my roommates. They're friendly, but do have flaws. One, they love to interfere my lifestyle. I used to have naps. All these while I didn't have time to do so, so today finally I am free enough to take 40 winks at around 7pm, but, guess what did they say when they saw me sleeping.
"Why are you sleeping at this time?"
"I feel a bit tired."
"That's why you should go work-out. To increase your stamina."
What on earth. Do you think all people on this planet love to work-out like you two do? Do I have to seek permission from you guys to sleep?
And they're inconsiderate beings. Playing songs via handphones out loud every night and every dawn, when people (me) is still sleeping. Talk (I can even regard it as shout) so loudly when people's sleeping. Do not switch off the bedroom lights even after past 12 midnight.
And the next one is they're messy beings. Clothes thrown and hung everywhere, put things on my study table, stack smelly clothes in the room. C'mon guys.
Well, I have to endure all these for another 10 months. Astagah.
The third thing, I'd like to complain about some lecturers. They don't explain clear enough, and we couldn't ask in lectures. SO what we can do is just to sit and stare at the slides, like you understand everything. Oh no. Another thing is the language medium they use. THE SYLLABUS IS IN ENGLISH! Why speak Malay?!
Finished with the complaints, now I move on to happiness. :D I join KML Choir, and is elected as the Chief Conductor. This would be a good experience to dive into choral music. And not forgetting to mention friends. I met quite a few new friends from Sabah and Sarawak, and some are really nice homo sapiens. Just some, minorities only. And I consider food in our cafeteria is GOOD and CHEAP. Everyday I long for lunch and dinner time to try out some new dishes. And also bumping into pretty girls. Some Chinese girls are really pretty! But taken. Sigh. "Just for display."
Facebook status on 25 May:
Survived one week in Labuan.
1. Hot weather
2. Labuan people dont eat vegetables. (2 types veggies in 10 types of dishes.)
3. 30 Ferrero Rocher chocolates for RM24!
4. I found Nabati.
(Nabati is a brand of cheese biscuits. IT IS AWESOME!)
Guess that's all. Ciao.
Thursday, 16 May 2013
A Whole New Journey
In a blink of an eye, honeymoon after SPM is officially over! It's time to study. :/
Tomorrow, 17/5, I'm leaving to Labuan Matriculation College. Oh no, I'm not mentally and emotionally prepared to leave home, yet, despite after national service. Sigh.
Hope I could adapt well, make many new friends and score good in studies and co-curriculum. :D Anyways it's a brand new lifestyle ahead!
Cheap chocolates and alcohol! *giggle* :D
Ciao.
Tomorrow, 17/5, I'm leaving to Labuan Matriculation College. Oh no, I'm not mentally and emotionally prepared to leave home, yet, despite after national service. Sigh.
Hope I could adapt well, make many new friends and score good in studies and co-curriculum. :D Anyways it's a brand new lifestyle ahead!
Cheap chocolates and alcohol! *giggle* :D
Ciao.
Monday, 6 May 2013
We ain't ready.
Malaysia's 13th General Election.
I have not much to say as I am as usual not a person into politics. But when "democracy" is just a word that carries no meaning, why bother to talk about it.
I have not much to say as I am as usual not a person into politics. But when "democracy" is just a word that carries no meaning, why bother to talk about it.
Transparency.
Justice.
Blackouts while counting votes and then few ballot boxes appeared, what is this?
Immigrants voting, what is this?
Buying votes, what is this?
Black profile pictures everywhere on Facebook, indicating darkness and expressing condolences over democracy that has been left.
Malaysian's are not ready for a change. God, enlighten us.
Saturday, 4 May 2013
Jealousy
Jealousy strikes, after a month of dehydration of inspiration to blog.
Jealous of their wealth.
No money, no talk. At this age, money determines your future, when you're not as brilliant as Einstein with good IQ. Yeah, so I fall into the category "above average", where I can't get the best scholarship and is left to choose among the cheapest course offered. Due to the fact that I am not from a very wealthy family and have adequate amount of interest in a course that can cost my parents' total salary of their whole life (exaggerated much?), which is dentistry, so I have to choose the safest way, and also cheapest, with less risk. Just Google for the tuition fees of Bachelor of Dental Surgery (BDA) in Malaysia, you'll know why. So I have to take matriculation offered by the government as it guarantees at least a slot in local public universities then I won't have to spend so much of my parents' money, but first choice of your course is not a 100% guarantee even though you get a CGPA of 4.0.
Many of my friends and teachers are shocked, or at least from their expressions I can see that, when they find out that I am going for matriculation in Labuan. Government matriculation, 10% for non-natives, lower standard compared to A levels and Form 6, less good environment. And with matriculation results you couldn't get overseas anymore, meaning I'll be stuck in Malaysia forever and ever Amen. A top student from school shouldn't end up there. Yes, somehow I do agree with them, but what can I do? I can only give it a shot in matriculation, then try to get dentistry in UM, USM or UKM.
I wanted to go for A levels in any of the private institutions in Kuala Lumpur under bursary from the Ministry of Education. Kuala Lumpur vs Labuan, which is better? But, the doors to get into local public universities for dentistry, medicine and pharmacy are closed. So what's left? Private universities, high cost of education. They say you can get a JPA scholarship when you've gained admission into any of the private universities listed by JPA, but how sure I am that I can secure a scholarship for my degree? Competition's intense and aforementioned, I'm NOT brilliant. Another thing, although we're given a monthly allowance of RM430 for bursary, is that enough for your accommodation, hostel, food, sundry expenses etc? No. So it's parents' money again. No way.
If I had sufficient money, I wouldn't have to care so much. I could just take A levels and give it a shot for the JPA scholarship for my degree. If I didn't get it, I could still pursue what I intended. Or with A levels, I could go overseas for my degree like many of my friends did. If and only if...
Jealous of their chances.
My ancestors came to this piece of land few decades or centuries later. So we are deemed non-natives. In Malaysia, it has been a fact that natives have more priorities in education. They have MARA scholarships, they have asasi (meaning foundation in public universities), they have Islamic universities for them, but what do others have? We have less options. We have less opportunities. I read a status on Facebook by a Malay friend, mentioning he got 2As in SPM and has been offered two scholarships whilst a non-Malay friend of his who got 10As has none. So, where is equality? I really hope everyone deserves a fair chance in education, not based on what kind of blood is flowing in your veins.
Another thing is, I got myself a new hobby: stalking friends especially seniors on Facebook. Few of them were offered the JPA scholarship overseas (dentistry and medicine to India). Their pictures, their statuses. I am living vicariously through the people. zOMG. I admire them a lot, of course a bit of jealousy there. The scholarship will provide them with A levels and then a guaranteed slot to your intended degree along with a 10-year bond that means a confirmed carrier in the future. Isn't this combo awesome? However, JPA stop giving this scholarship to students starting from the year 2012. Instead, it is replaced by bursary. However, not anywhere in India after that. After A levels under bursary, you can apply for the top 10 universities in UK or private universities and get an unconditional offer and then apply JPA scholarship again. Get it, you're blessed; if you don't, you're doomed. Would I dare to take the risk? Nope. I can't gamble my future and my parents' money just like that right?
Jealous of their wealth.
No money, no talk. At this age, money determines your future, when you're not as brilliant as Einstein with good IQ. Yeah, so I fall into the category "above average", where I can't get the best scholarship and is left to choose among the cheapest course offered. Due to the fact that I am not from a very wealthy family and have adequate amount of interest in a course that can cost my parents' total salary of their whole life (exaggerated much?), which is dentistry, so I have to choose the safest way, and also cheapest, with less risk. Just Google for the tuition fees of Bachelor of Dental Surgery (BDA) in Malaysia, you'll know why. So I have to take matriculation offered by the government as it guarantees at least a slot in local public universities then I won't have to spend so much of my parents' money, but first choice of your course is not a 100% guarantee even though you get a CGPA of 4.0.
Many of my friends and teachers are shocked, or at least from their expressions I can see that, when they find out that I am going for matriculation in Labuan. Government matriculation, 10% for non-natives, lower standard compared to A levels and Form 6, less good environment. And with matriculation results you couldn't get overseas anymore, meaning I'll be stuck in Malaysia forever and ever Amen. A top student from school shouldn't end up there. Yes, somehow I do agree with them, but what can I do? I can only give it a shot in matriculation, then try to get dentistry in UM, USM or UKM.
I wanted to go for A levels in any of the private institutions in Kuala Lumpur under bursary from the Ministry of Education. Kuala Lumpur vs Labuan, which is better? But, the doors to get into local public universities for dentistry, medicine and pharmacy are closed. So what's left? Private universities, high cost of education. They say you can get a JPA scholarship when you've gained admission into any of the private universities listed by JPA, but how sure I am that I can secure a scholarship for my degree? Competition's intense and aforementioned, I'm NOT brilliant. Another thing, although we're given a monthly allowance of RM430 for bursary, is that enough for your accommodation, hostel, food, sundry expenses etc? No. So it's parents' money again. No way.
If I had sufficient money, I wouldn't have to care so much. I could just take A levels and give it a shot for the JPA scholarship for my degree. If I didn't get it, I could still pursue what I intended. Or with A levels, I could go overseas for my degree like many of my friends did. If and only if...
Jealous of their chances.
My ancestors came to this piece of land few decades or centuries later. So we are deemed non-natives. In Malaysia, it has been a fact that natives have more priorities in education. They have MARA scholarships, they have asasi (meaning foundation in public universities), they have Islamic universities for them, but what do others have? We have less options. We have less opportunities. I read a status on Facebook by a Malay friend, mentioning he got 2As in SPM and has been offered two scholarships whilst a non-Malay friend of his who got 10As has none. So, where is equality? I really hope everyone deserves a fair chance in education, not based on what kind of blood is flowing in your veins.
Another thing is, I got myself a new hobby: stalking friends especially seniors on Facebook. Few of them were offered the JPA scholarship overseas (dentistry and medicine to India). Their pictures, their statuses. I am living vicariously through the people. zOMG. I admire them a lot, of course a bit of jealousy there. The scholarship will provide them with A levels and then a guaranteed slot to your intended degree along with a 10-year bond that means a confirmed carrier in the future. Isn't this combo awesome? However, JPA stop giving this scholarship to students starting from the year 2012. Instead, it is replaced by bursary. However, not anywhere in India after that. After A levels under bursary, you can apply for the top 10 universities in UK or private universities and get an unconditional offer and then apply JPA scholarship again. Get it, you're blessed; if you don't, you're doomed. Would I dare to take the risk? Nope. I can't gamble my future and my parents' money just like that right?
Finished lamenting. Perhaps I don't feel that much of jealousy, but more to grumble. I should just be happy with what I have. Simplicity is the best. Leaving to Labuan on 17th May. Hope it's be a great and exciting adventure ahead.
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